Get Your Relationship on the Front Burner!
What I realise about many couples, who come to see me, is that, although their relationship may be going pretty well, they recognise that there are aspects that really need enhancing.
Alicia and Jeremy are one such couple in their early 30s.
They are in a pretty good situation but want to put their relationship on the front burner. They have a young girl of five who rightly gets lots of attention but perhaps a bit too much, as there is not much balance or space for them.
The little one often comes first in ways where the emphasis could be slightly different.
They do recognise that they let their daughter overtake their space when perhaps it’s easier that way as they’re not always quite sure how to be together without her buzzing around them!
This can happen…
By the way, don’t get me wrong … young children need lots of loving attention and fun time with their parents, but it’s vital to keep aware that your couple-ness is very important as well.
This particular couple helped me realise that couples don’t necessarily come and see me because they are in trouble, but this could soon happen if they haven’t put their relationship high up the priority ladder.
So the first thing we often talk about in sessions is how they can nurture their relationship, especially when it’s normal and common for relationships to change when children come into the picture.
There are also other stages when a couple might feel rather disconnected and less close.
There’s that natural cycle, around 2 years in, when the amazing sparkle and passion, so present at the beginning of a relationship, can start to fade and turn into ‘real life’ somehow.
That can sometimes be a bit of a danger point that needs to be owned and recognised. Some people feel ashamed of the diminished feelings when it’s just a settling-in time and an adjustment to the next stage.
What is really needed at this time is conscious awareness about loving communication, appreciation of each other, and getting to know one another more deeply. A time to create special lovely times together and have fun in intimacy, both physically and emotionally.
Also, later in relationships, couples can find themselves drifting individually from one another, each interested in different activities for themselves.
This can sometimes be an irreparable case of fundamental disconnection, usually because it’s not recognised for what it is and shared with one other.
Or it can be a perfect opportunity to ask each other about their other worlds. That kind of sharing and enjoyment of each other’s delights and activities can be a wonderful and enhancing thing.
It all comes down to which ‘burner’ your relationship itself is on! Do you have your special times together, no matter how different your interests are?
You can also find activities that you can both enjoy together.
One couple I work with has started tango classes as I had spoken about dancing. And he went ‘oh my god’ and she went ‘oooh’. So they tried it and now they both love it together and it’s brought in a beautiful level of intimacy that has woken them both up!
A balance of together things and separate things is so vital in relationships….you need them both! You don’t want to end up being a bit like ships that pass in the night with a quick kiss and “Love you” as you are going out of the door, though things could be a lot worse than that!
Naturally, your relationship is going to mellow over the years but, ideally, it can really deepen. I am a great believer in you knowing deeply who your partner
is; their life story and their experience when they were a child.
Developing a deep empathy for each other is a grounding and loving concept.
Usually, in an early session, I ask couples to talk about their own family of origin and sometimes the other partner has never heard this story, and it truly deepens their love and connection.
It also enables you to understand what triggers your partner profoundly, even though it may not be a conscious awareness, but I always say:
“what we experience as children stays in our bones and often shows up in the close major relationships we are in”.
If you are interested in how you can nurture each other in your relationship and keep things on the front burner when ‘real life’ may get in the way you may be delighted to discover a new and affordable way to gain these skills in a safe and warm, sociable environment for you both.
Often, when couples get together socially in friendship circles, they mostly don’t talk about their relationships. They usually talk about everything else: the kids, the government, their house
etc.
They rarely say things like: “Actually, we’re finding things between us a bit hard at the moment”.
It seems that sharing this sort of thing is a no-go area but, as time progresses, some couples realise that they are missing this supportive and personal aspect on some level.
Couples often say how good it is to discover they are not the only ones that feel or think a certain way and that they are not struggling alone.
With that in mind, I am re-launching my popular couples, guided meetups.
If you think you might be interested in learning more about these meet-ups and how they will benefit you (no matter what stage of your relationship you are in) watch this space.
Love,
Priya
♡