It’s been a beautiful summer around these parts (Folkestone, Kent) and I hope the same for you, wherever you are situated.
And it’s got pretty chilly, all of a sudden.
So, it’s just the right time to get more cosy and intimate together as the Autumn leaves start to fall….isn’t there a song in there somewhere?
These are the words of ‘Helen and Wesley’, who after just seven sessions are now doing really well……
“We came to Priya at somewhat of a crossroads. Things weren’t terrible, but they weren’t great either. What we were sure of was that we needed help to find out if we could rekindle our emotional and physical connection after 14 years together.
First, Priya worked hard to understand both our relationship background and our individual upbringing to help us to appreciate our differences because we saw and experienced things in very different ways.
Priya asked questions and set us home-play tasks around building Foundational Intimacy. A simple framework on which trust, chemistry and fun can be established. The results so far have been astounding, and, quite frankly, have saved our marriage.”
Don’t leave your relationship to chance. You can have better, and you deserve it.
When this couple first came to me, they had a dynamic between them that went something like this…
Helen…”I’m too tired for sex; you know how full-on my job is, so it best not to ask.”
Wesley…”If you don’t want sex with me, I guess you don’t fancy me and don’t find me attractive anymore. I feel really rejected and daren’t try any moves towards you”
Of course, we dug deeper and found they both had their stories and triggers from their families of origin, which helped make sense of their individual struggles with this sensitive area of their relationship.
- Helen had experienced a lack of emotional safety in her family and developed a survival style that served her well: to stay in control. Since sex is all about letting go and going with the flow, it was, of course, scary to her and she avoided it by being “busy, too tired and having more important things going on”.
- Wesley had witnessed a painful split-up of his parents and emerged with deep insecurity around being loved and wanted. He needed concrete evidence of being desired and Helen wasn’t able to give him this. He felt rejected and mostly didn’t say this but got blaming towards Helen instead.
Quite a toxic vicious cycle going on here.
Looking at both their stories helped them gain awareness as to how their painful triggers from the past were deeply affecting their emotional and physical intimacy. It was not flourishing, to say the least. They also became able to understand one another better and to be empathic and more tolerant towards each other.
We gradually moved to the gentle structure of Foundational Intimacy (see below) which, over time, enabled them to soften and let go of their partner being the problem, Sex itself had also got bad press from them both because it wasn’t happening.
Instead of this detrimental cycle, they learned to put the main focus on their loving connection and to flow with it, whatever it brought them. It took them to all sorts of lovely places and sometimes this includes sex, which they both invite in from a new and joyous place of fun, trust and safety.
Here’s how YOU can do that in YOUR relationship!!
Thank you for reading.
Please comment below, as I would love your thoughts on Helen and Wesley’s story.
With love,
Priya
♡