It’s good to be back with you again.
I’m back in a different kind of way though. I want to tell you more stories about the couples I see and to inspire you with what they’re learning and bringing into their lives together. They are definitely turning relationship difficulties around. It never ceases to amaze me how real-life turnarounds really DO happen.
This story is an intimate one and talks, in parts, about sex, so you may prefer not to read it at work!
By the way, I love intimacy!! Most of us do, but some of us find it a really challenging area to think about, let alone talk about!
Meet Samantha and Keith (not their real names),
They have discovered something really major about sex. When they consciously take SEX off the pedestal they had put it on for years, their intimacy is enhanced and deeply increased, rather than lessened and fallen away. They feared this might happen initially, but it didn’t take them long to realise just how much they adore creating the space for the discovery of an intimacy they had never quite visited or imagined before…
Samanta and Keith now love going to bed at the same time and getting naked or nearly so, with light and easy-to-remove garments on their bodies.
They get really comfortable and close in bed and bring their bodies together, entwining in different ways.
They’ve learned that the entity called “SEX” is out there somewhere and indeed it may become part of their intimacy tonight….or not.
They happily leave sex out and let go of thoughts around which one of them might initiate it. They know that this type of focus on sex, and how and when it will happen, it has both of them feeling pressurised and distracted from being close and loving.
They simply allow themselves to connect in many delightful ways. They might giggle, sing! become playful and allow their love to express itself in gently stroking one another, perhaps breathing together with their mouths touching…
They let their hands roam lovingly over each other’s bodies. And, guess what?
They talk!! They share what’s going on for them. They let one another know what feels good or perhaps ask for something to slow down or for the touch to be lighter or firmer maybe. “Mmmm, that is such a lovely touch on my breast. it feels so sweet”. Or Oooh, could you just hold that place for a while, holding feels so good”.
Communication is the best lubrication !!
Oh, and they love the tantric style of connecting and including their genitals in the whole flow of things. (And…that’s the last time I say the word genitals. It’s about the non-sweetest word I have heard for those glorious places we have within us!)
So, Samantha talks of YONI (*see Tantra reference below) “Mmm, Yoni seems to be waking up. She likes you doing that, especially if you keep it really s-l–o-w….
“How’s VAJRA doing?” (*see Tantra reference below ) she asks Keith, “He’s waking up a bit too. He especially likes it when I’m touching Yoni!”
And so they go on, revelling and flowing together in the joy and beauty of all this deeply connecting intimacy.
Sometimes, their sweet contact takes them into more sensual and sexual places, not necessarily to full-on sex but into the deliciousness of intimate sexual touching with hands and mouths maybe.
Sometimes Yoni and Vajra REALLY do get together fully, if and when the flow takes them there….and there is an ease, natural pacing and a kind of simplicity about this intimate journey they are experiencing together.
And sometimes, they simply snuggle, kiss a little maybe and drift off to sleep!!
They didn’t always feel this way as you might have picked up. They used to feel stuck in a rut by the idea that sex was supposed to happen once a week or more and had to be initiated by one of them. This left the other one waiting, of course….and waiting…
Then they learned these easy pleasurable methods of putting intimacy at the top of their agenda and have never looked back. And sex is happily a regular part of their expressions of love for one another.
A call to action for you as a couple…..how about reading this article together and then talking about it, being very conscious of listening to one another fully without any finger-pointing or interrupting one another. It may change your intimacy!
What Sex Needs
Sex is often a vulnerable, sensitive part of life, especially if we have experienced sexual abuse of any kind, which can take us to negative, harsh places about our bodies and everything to do with showing our vulnerability, letting go and trusting another person, especially in intimacy.
We each have our own very personal relationship with intimacy and sex way before we look at how it gets expressed in our couple relationships which, of course, are composed of two individuals, each with their stories. There are so many factors at play. Some couples, for example, maybe challenged physically because they’re older or at a particular stage of life, especially becoming parents.
Fundamentally, all of us are deeply influenced by how we were brought up to regard sex and intimacy in our family of origin.
How do YOU feel reading this? Would you be willing to share with us where it has taken you? Pop over to my blog here and please make your comment. I will reply…..
I’d like to let you know that many more couple stories, about all aspects of a relationship, will be in the book I’m writing!! It’s quite a way off being published yet, but I’m going to regularly share content with you, especially the hands-on exercises or encounters, as I call them. I hope you will enjoy doing these with your partner and getting benefits from them as well as much fun and depth.
As always, I’m sending you love and more intimacy in your unique relationship
Priya ❤️
**What on earth is Tantra and Yoni and Vajra??
Tantra is an ancient eastern art of loving, created very long ago (BC) by those in rebellion against the pervading cerebral style of worship that disregarded anything to do with bodies, intimacy and sex.
This new wave of people, who were clearly NOT yogis, sitting in caves, covered in ashes and praying for weeks on end, but normal humans who wanted to integrate all that belongs to being human. They wanted to unite spirituality with sexuality, creating a sense of wholeness of body, sex, heart and spirit.
- Tantra actually means “weaving together” and incorporates pleasure, flow, sharing, honouring, conscious awareness and much more, which I hope to convey to you as we go along.
- YONI is the tantric word for vulva or vagina….meaning sacred garden or lotus flower….you may like to make up your own!
- VAJRA (or lingam is often used) is the tantric word for penis….meaning pillar of light!
My journey and training in Tantra began many years ago and is a foundational approach that I’ve always found to be valuable in relation to intimacy and sexuality, along with other approaches.
The first book about Tantra I ever read is “The Art of Sexual Ecstasy” by Margo Anand.
There have been many many others since.
Introduction To Tantra: