Hello Couples,
Of course, this is a subject that people either don’t want to talk about in any shape or form, or it’s the one thing they can talk about forever and a day!!
The thing is, in a relationship, it’s vital to talk about sex, whether it’s happening or not. It’s an important part of your connection and even if it’s absent, it’s still there! The presence or absence of loving sex affects you deeply as a couple in so many ways.
It’s not enough, it’s too much, we have unequal desires, he/she always initiates, it’s not very comfortable for me, it hurts, it’s not important to me any more, I wish we didn’t keep doing it the same way, it’s boring………these are a smattering of some of the things couples say to me about their sexuality.
I use the word sexuality with consciousness because my theory is that we all have a sexual part to ourselves; our very own sexuality. It may indeed stay very much our own, even in a relationship. Or it may have the beauty of blending with another person’s sexuality and be a joyous expression of the love we have for each other…..that is a true delight and a bonus.
As we get older, our sexuality changes of course. In fact, sex is a complicated subject and all sorts of problems could be happening at any age and stage of life, some of them purely physical. However, most difficulties with sex in relationships are to do with past trauma, fear of being able to voice what you want and very often, not being able to talk about it together.
So the following is a small structure that you can do together in a safe and uninterrupted atmosphere. It’s about sitting together and sharing the answers to these three questions about sex that you ask each other in turn. Ask each question for about 3 mins over and over. All sorts of surprising answers may ensue. This is an intimate conversation to have together, so be sure to treat one another with perfect listening, gentleness and respect. I hope you learn a lot about each other’s most intimate aspects. It could be fun too. Take it where you both feel safe taking it.
Namaste. For a reminder of Namaste, go to this video
“What I would like to ask for is ………
“I feel honoured when you ………….