Spring is in the air and many couples have been talking to me about sex in their relationship or the lack of it.
As many of you know, one of my themes is about sex being “the icing on the cake” in a loving, intimate relationship. In fact, sex can even be enhanced by NOT being the thing to totally aim for. Focussing on sex, trying to make it happen, can sometimes destroy it altogether. I think that could be, what my mum used to call, reverse psychology!
The thing is, intimacy in your relationship is a journey together that can start with a deep conversation or a cuddle on the sofa plus a hundred other ways of creating closeness, and may or may not become sexual. And, of course, sex is a journey in itself also. In other words, it can be the full works or a sumptuous sensual exciting time together.
So, what does sex itself need in order to find a place happily in your already intimate relationship?
A strange question maybe? Does sex need anything? Shouldn’t it be what you two need in order to be sexual?. Well, Surprise-Surprise…
SEX HAS NEEDS!!
Find out what that’s all about by watching my video, with your partner, of course…
Often couples think that having sex means they are in a successful relationship. So, they may put efforts into being sexual together, even if their relationship is struggling emotionally and is disconnected. But having sex when there is disconnection can be a rather empty experience.
I don’t want to stereotype, but many men can be inclined to think of sex as THE thing that’s needed to create reconnection. Sometimes it may indeed happen that way around. But, more often, it falls flat (no pun intended!) because there isn’t the closeness and intimacy present that many women need in order to feel like being sexual.
It’s funny but women need the same things that sex needs! Yes, check out the video and you’ll see what I mean.
I was once at a workshop on Love and Intimacy when the facilitator said:
“Men……here is the secret to happy relationships: Find out what she wants and give it to her.”
Okay, that was a long time ago and nowadays he says:
“Everyone…find out what your partner needs and give it to them.”
It may sound a bit basic or even banal, but I go along with the idea that one of the most loving things we can do for each other is finding out what the other one loves, wants and needs and create those things for them. Bliss! Especially if we are doing it for each other.
So, watch my video above to find out what SEX ITSELF NEEDS….he or she is a wise entity with thousands of years of experience after all!
If you are having issues with sex and intimacy, as you can tell, I am happy to talk with you about it in safety, with warmth, openness and integrity.
As always,
I’m sending love to you and your relationship
Priya xx
I love your insights and perspective. (Well, mostly. 😏)