The Topics:
Our Day For Couples with ADHD on May 13th – How it went
Integrating the lovely traits of holidays
Talk about money for love!
Isn’t it lovely to be able to see spring sunshine finally arrive? I have been enjoying my garden this week and am delighted to share a few photos of it with you.
What have you been enjoying lately now spring is here?
I hope you like this new newsletter format which contains various aspects connected with relationships that may be beneficial to you two.
I do hope you find them valuable in your particular relationship.
Our Day For Couples with ADHD on May 13th
I’m happy to say, this went really well.
There were 8 of us altogether, each couple with ADHD in their relationship. I use this phrase consciously as if one of you has it, it is for sure IN your relationship.
As I prepared for this event, thinking all about ADHD and what it’s like for couples to live with this disorder in their relationship, I realised that it’s even more important than ever not to let go of the pleasure of being a couple. The convolutions of ADHD can take over all too easily and sabotage your unique couple-ness. I’m so glad I had that realisation and made sure there was balance in the day with lots of sharing and discussion about ADHD in the relationship PLUS structures and exercises for each couple to do together. This kept them in touch with their precious listening skills and enhanced their connection with one another.
Overall, it seems everyone, ADHDers and partners, found it a day of relief to be able to talk with others in a similar position. A big chunk of resonance! I would say. plenty of laughter too. And a delicious lunch!
If you have ADHD in your relationship and can travel to Folkestone, Kent, why not come and join us for our next ADHD Day for Couples? We are looking at possibly Saturday, July 8th for this event. If this is interesting to you, please send me an email priya@priyatourkow.com and I can offer you a couple’s space.
Integrating the lovely traits of holidays
One of my couples told me recently what a lovely holiday they had just enjoyed: a delightful time away together in which they felt really connected with one another, able to listen to one another with real presence and came back feeling decidedly more of a couple.
My guess is you all resonate with this experience. Life is so busy, and all too often we don’t have time for one another. and thinking: “can’t wait for our holiday when we will have space and time to breathe!”
If it’s a family holiday of course, that’s not quite the same as the two of you swanning off somewhere lovely. Of course there are all sorts of holidays with activities for children. You will know this better than I do given my “kids” are in their 40’s!
The message in here is that I think, as wonderful as breaks away can be, it’s really helpful to you both to intentionally bring the holiday traits back into your busy everyday lives, so they don’t fade away till the next holiday.
It’s all really about staying connected. We certainly know when the connection has faded and you feel distant from one another emotionally and physically. We are inclined to forget the vital connection needs nurturing.
Here are a few ideas for achieving that special aim:
♡ Have a check-in time every day when you can share how you each are, how your day was and anything else of importance. You can just chat or take it in turns to share. Listening with no distractions is key here!
♡ Give each other the gift of appreciation every day, more than one if possible. Not just a thank you in passing but something like “I really appreciated when you………It made me feel……. It was lovely!”
♡ If you both work from home, meet up for lunch or have a little walk together sometime in the day. Yes! you can stop work for half an hour. It can be done!
♡ Make sure you often go to bed together and lay in each other’s arms. Just feel the pleasure and fun of that, whether you both fall asleep or it goes into more sensual/sexual things. But don’t force that to happen. Take the strain off the sex expectations!
♡ Come from a place of love, even when it’s challenging. Looking at your partner and seeing them through loving eyes creates closeness, even in the middle of an argument. Try it!
♡ If things get conflictual, pause and start again “Take 2” and slow down and tell each other how you’re feeling rather than getting into blame mode. We can’t argue with a feeling!
Talk about money for love!
Recently, my husband and I needed to re-frame how we handle our finances. With the help of a couple of close friends, we came to the conclusion it’s really time to let go of the resentments regarding money over a period of 20 years. This letting go means openly sharing our money, all in one “pot”, with each other. We had never done this, each holding tightly to our own financial resources.
All I can say is this new approach enabled stress to melt away for me and a deep loving feeling came over us both. It might sound a bit radical, but it’s working!
I’m sending you love and good intentions for your relationship and I’ll be with you again in a few weeks.
With love as always to you and your special and unique relationship
Priya
❤