As the sun comes out and we warm up at last, how about warming up your relationship as well?
When we are colder and inside the home and with ourselves more, we can get a bit overtaken by aspects of our relationship that don’t work so well or can be challenging.
So here is a great way of moving out of the cold into the warmth……
It’s called the “Re-ignite Your Love”
Before anything else, make sure you have at least 30 mins of uninterrupted time together…phones switched off!
Settle down together comfortably and close enough that you can easily hear one another and maybe have a little physical contact, like touching a knee or hands…whatever feels right.
Then take a look at one another and say Hello! and take a few deep breaths. Maybe a giggle may break through at this point….what are we doing? Giggles are good things…
Then you are going to take it in turns to ask each other three questions in a specific way…repeated questions. Each question is asked for around 2-3 mins….having a timer with you is helpful.
The one being asked will reply with various answers that come to them spontaneously and the one asking will say thank you to each answer.These are the three questions:
1. What currently is good about our love?
2. What do you do to keep our love re-ignited?
3. What would you like more from me to keep our love re-ignited?
When the first partner has asked the first question and got answers, then the other person asks them the same question in the same repeated way.
I’m realising this is tricky to describe in words so here is a real life example (gulp):
Bob: What currently is good about our love?
Pri: we spend time close on the sofa watching movies together.
Bob: What currently is good about our love?
Pri: that we often take time to share about our own concerns with one another and we listen well
Bob: What currently is good about our love?
Pri: that we have a regular date morning that is just time for us
When Bob has asked Pri that first repeated question for 2-3 minutes, then it goes the other way around…Pri asks Bob in the same way….
Pri: What currently is good about our love?
Bob: that we enjoy lazy time together on Sundays
Pri: What currently is good about our love?
Bob: that we are appreciative of one another and let each other know it
Pri: What currently is good about our love?
Bob: that we can be young and giggly together
Then we do the same thing again with questions 2 and 3. And that’s the whole thing.
Some pointers:
- Take your time and do this slowly. No need to rush through these special questions.
- It may seem a somewhat ritualised structure. That’s because many of us need that kind of thing to feel safe enough to be honest. Also, it can go deep and surprising things can come out of it.
- It can also be fun to do something in a specific way….it invites creativity
When you have finished the dialogue…
Phew! Well done! Take a few breaths together and maybe have a hug.
Then you might like to chat about the things that surprised you or gave you good ideas or anything else you want to say. But, be careful, stay loving and appreciative of what your partner says.
Enjoy yourselves and let the sun shine in!
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