Hello lovely Couple!
Feeling criticised by your partner can be a common occurrence and many couples tell me about this, usually feeling it gets in their way of staying in loving connection.
It’s a tricky issue. We are all human and life can get fast and busy with our words coming out at speed, especially if we are feeling frustrated by something our partner does….maybe over and over again.
We can find ourselves saying those hefty words like always and never way too often, along with a critical vibe: You never pick up your clothes or You are always losing your keys. But what we really mean is something like: it drives me crazy when you do that; it makes me late for work. Or I get so upset when this keeps happening, what can we do??
It’s not easy at all, in those moments of frustration, anger or upset, to slow down and breathe…..and tune into what am I feeling? and see if you can convey that to the other person. I FEEL is a great way to start:
I feel upset when you…..
I feel angry when you…..
I feel really lonely when you……I wish we could do something about this.
Well, that’s the ideal, but it’s not always possible to manage that. But, and I speak from experience, it feels wonderful when you can achieve that goal.
The receiver of the criticism can also keep their awareness, which of course is not easy either. If, in moments of feeling criticised, you can pause and ask yourself what’s my partner feeling in this moment? and say something like:
You sound like this really gets to you
I can really see that you are upset.
Wow! What a gift that would be to your beloved, who would probably much prefer to be less critical and more expressive of what’s going on in their feelings. So, you the “criticised” are giving them a great opportunity in this moment of loving affirmation.
Take a look at my video together to help this become something to aim for as a team of two, supporting one another to stay connected as often as possible. It’s not easy but it’s a great aspiration to have.
With love to you and your relationship
Priya xx