What if my partner won’t come with me?
Ideally, where there are issues in a relationship, it is best to work on them together as a couple. However, one of you may not want to do that. In this situation, I suggest you come by yourself, having first talked to your partner about seeing me together. We will then take it from there.
I think I (or my partner) has ADHD. Can you help?
Yes indeed. I have personal experience of ADHD in relationship. The first step is recognising it (or wondering if it could be ADHD). It can be highly stressful for you both. With a structured approach and all kinds of techniques to deal with the challenges, big improvements can be made…..and some level of sanity restored.
How would I know if or my partner has ADHD?
It is not easy to know for sure, without an actual diagnosis as many of the symptoms we all have e.g being hyper focussed, somewhat chaotic, inappropriate at times, forgetful or feeling confused and overwhelmed. But if you have these in an extreme way, deeply getting in the way of your everyday life, then it could be ADHD. If, as a child, you found doing homework almost impossible and had great difficulty concentrating that could be ADHD. If you had it then, you still have it now.
What if I don’t live locally to Folkestone?
That’s not a problem as I offer phone or online sessions via Zoom or Skype.
I also offer a Couple’s bespoke Intensive over an evening and a day. This is perfect if you are not local. Plus you get to spend a night away together!
What types of issues do you work with?
Almost anything to do with relationships from sex/intimacy issues to communication difficulties to “ He/she’s had an affair.” I am very familiar with working with couples where one has ADHD, depression, or anxiety.
We have young kids and not easy to get childcare.
I can be pretty flexible with the timing of sessions. I work some evenings and occasionally weekends. Online or phone sessions may also be helpful.
What happens in a session with a couple?
I focus on your relationship with both of you, giving you equal time to say what you need to. I also recognise that you are both individuals with your own needs within the couple. I support you both to look at what is needed to create the kind of partnership you want and to bring this to fruition. Your relationship belongs to you both and you have equal responsibility to look after it. This is not always easy but, with my guidance and support, much can be achieved.
Will we be talking to you most or each other?
Both. I strongly believe that, since it’s your relationship, not mine, enabling you to connect well with each other is vital. I will support you in dialogue with one another, listening and affirming what your partner says. It’s important to slow this down as most couples’ lives are too fast, with little connection with one another. I will also give you structures and exercises both in the session and to do at home.
How often do we need to come and see you?
This isn’t set in stone but generally, starting off with weekly sessions is a good idea. Then perhaps fortnightly. This can vary according to your needs and circumstances.
How long will we be working with you?
Again, there is no one answer to this. When each of you feels that some significant turning point has occurred and you feel better together, then we can wind down the sessions.
How long is each session?
I always suggest couples start with a 90mins session if possible and maybe continue this for a while. Sometimes 60 mins are best or all you are able to manage.
How do you work with sexual/intimacy issues?
This is my specialism and I’m very comfortable talking about sex and intimacy. Many therapists are not! I regard sexual problems as an indicator of what’s going on in the relationship as a whole. If appropriate, I will support you to get medical help.
I will take you, stage by stage, on a journey of rebuilding your intimacy and sensuality, through to being sexual. This is a unique and personal experience for each couple. No sexual activity takes place in therapy sessions.
Do you work with individuals?
Yes, I do. I am happy to see individuals who feel they have a need to talk about their lives and any difficulties they may have. There may be depression, anxiety, loss, addictions, past abuse, lack of confidence, etc…
What happens in a session with individuals?
My approach is to listen carefully to you and support and guide you in looking more deeply at your patterns….where they come from and what they are about. I enable you to explore ways of making desired changes to improve your life. I always go at a pace that is comfortable for you.