Dear Couples,
Many of you may have heard of ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder), or maybe one of your children may have it, or someone else you know, or your partner may have it, or indeed wonder if they have it.
I am definitely not someone who likes to put labels on people, especially if we are talking about a brain disorder or something that could be considered a mental illness. In fact, just today, in The Guardian, I was reading about how the trend is, all too easily, to name someone as having a mental illness because they are depressed, stressed, confused, unfocused, etc. So often, this labeling approach is unnecessary when what is needed is some support, empathy, and finding out what is going on for this person. In other words… counseling!
However, where ADHD (or ADD) is possibly present, I feel it’s important to take it seriously. I know from personal experience how devastating this disorder can be for the person with it and their partner. It is much worse though if it doesn’t get identified and the strange combination of symptoms remains unexplained. The symptoms can be very disruptive and sometimes break up relationships.
Over the years, I have noticed that several clients I work with have this condition and that is why I feel I want to draw it to YOUR attention.
So, if you have any connection with what I’m saying, do start by watching my short video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18O8NzddZYc&t=39s
The next step is to check out the symptoms of ADHD and see if you or your partner may have it. By the way, I am not suggesting you self-diagnose, but because many of us naturally have a few of these signs, it is not easy to realise it could be more serious than just having a few common troublesome areas. In ADHD, most of the listed symptoms will be present and to a strong degree. The combination of these difficulties makes life very hard indeed.
I am sorry if I come across as rather dramatic but I do know that knowing what this is can make a huge difference to you and those you love. So, please get in touch if you do think you may indeed have ADHD or ADD. And, ideally, find yourself a consultant who can give you some clarity. The following links may be useful.
https://www.clinical-partners.co.uk/for-adults/adult-adhd-add
https://aadduk.org/help-support/specialists-support-and-coaches/
http://www.simplywellbeing.com/help-for-adhd/adult-adhd-diagnosis-in-the-uk/
http://ndslondon.com/doctors.php?d=7&c=8
Take care everyone and as always…
Love to you and your relationship,
Priya xx
Hi Priya,
I 35 years currently married with one child. I have recently discovered I had been investigated for ADHD as a child. I have been having issues with my marriage and I need advice. I appreciate your help.
I am for sure my wife suffers from adhd and i have tried talkng to her about it but she wont do anything about it, its so hard dealing with her, she doesn’t think its a problem and think its me, i have to walk on eggs shell most of the time because i dont wont to set her off. This is killing our marriage. I have had to deal with this for eleven years and i dont know how much more i can take.
This is very hard for you both Cedric. For your wife, probably because she feels blamed and made “the problem”. And for you, because of the things that she does, perhaps because she does indeed have ADHD…..and she may not, of course.
As we know, we cannot MAKE anyone do anything but you can tell her how you feel, not blaming her but saying how this is so hard for you, and you are afraid for your marriage. Speak of your feelings and being at the end of your rope. Tell her also how you want to see if there is a way to get help with this for you both.
Don’t make this an argument. Listen to her response and keep reinforcing the difficulties that affect you both.
You could also ask her if she is willing to come with you to see a couple therapist to explore what is going on for both of you.
Good luck
Priya