My life recently has been strange, emotionally up and down, full-on and at times oddly spacious.
How is your relationship doing in these choppy waters?
What’s been helping me in my relationship is keeping aware that…
“Our relationship belongs to both of us”
This may seem so basic and obvious that it can easily get forgotten. That’s when we keep trying to get the other one to do things for the relationship, or if our expectations outweigh what we put in ourselves, it can lead to conflict and the downward spiral of disconnection.
When both of us are conscious that we have a “job” to do, which is to nurture our relationship for which we are each 50% responsible, then a sense of equality, teamwork and ease prevails.
Going towards each other like this creates the upward spiral of loving connection.
So, I ask myself, what do I want to offer for our relationship and for my partner?
What seems to keep finding its way into my heart is BE ACCEPTING. It keeps coming up for me, catching my attention over and over again.
Certain things my partner does or says are hard to change and there are specific reasons for this. I notice if I relax into this fact in myself, breathe and move away from a downward spiral of annoyance or criticism, it does us both and our relationship the power of good.
And it’s good for our love too… surprise, surprise! It flows more and so does our intimacy, as you would expect. A loving atmosphere promotes intimacy which, in turn, creates more sex to flow.
The key here is recognising what truly cannot, or is unlikely to change in your partner, and finding inner acceptance with that.
For me, this is currently the biggest thing that is keeping us in love. I totally recommend it!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
I want to go a step further here following the theme of ACCEPTANCE and say something about how ACCEPTANCE IN BED can also bring more closeness and loving into your relationship.
Many couples tell me about a tension around sex that causes disturbance in their connection with one another. It tends to be about viewing sex as “something” we must do every so often for it to be “right”.
When there’s pressure in a relationship to be sexual, it can truly damage your intimacy.
What about doing what comes naturally when you go to bed (especially if you are feeling more loving and close as above!).
This may be bringing your bodies together, snuggling, kissing, holding and stroking one another. Alongside this, I suggest you practise ACCEPTANCE right here and enjoy what is happening right now… “Mmm, this is sweet and yummy… and it may begin to feel more sensual and our bodies may start waking up”… and who knows what may happen next?
But, the minute pressure to MAKE THIS SEXUAL is exerted by one of you, tension arrives and the yumminess fades.
Of course, it may be lovely if it gets sexual and indeed it will go there sometimes, but not always.
Other times, one of you may need to be restful and enjoy cuddling, then drift off to sleep. But what happens for the other one? My formula is… appreciate the pleasure of the closeness in this moment and be lovingly in ACCEPTANCE. Hmmm… it can be challenging!
What’s important here though, is that the closeness and intimacy in bed happens a lot, whether it becomes sexual or not. If you are both distanced and out in the cold, not being intimate, waiting for sex to happen, it will not!
Sex needs intimacy as a basis to grow from. Yes, sex has needs too!
I would love to hear your thoughts on this sensitive and maybe controversial area of your relationship. Please let me know in the comments below!
With love and appreciation of all your unique relationships
Priya 💞