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The Art of NOT Remembering!

I hope 2018 is starting off well for you in your relationship.

I had a bit of a revelation recently when working with a couple.

We were looking at what she would like from her partner when she is not feeling well. She had felt rather uncared for when he came home​ and​ saw her wrapped up and nursing a cold. He then launched into telling her all about how his day had been. This was not at all what she wanted and felt rather fed up.

I asked them both if they had ever had a conversation together about what they each like when they are ill, as I know, for sure, they may not want the same things. (Bob likes to disappear under the duvet and doesn’t mind if I forget about him. Whereas, I like hourly hellos and “would you like anything love?”).

So, my clients each told the other one what would be their ideal way of being cared for when they are ill. After she had mentioned a few things, he said “But I won’t remember that”.
That was when it struck me, that in certain situations in relationship, trying to remember with our brain, can actually get in the way of real connection and intimacy.

So, I suggested he takes his brain out of the equation and looks at his partner, whom he loves and sees that she is unwell and allows his heart to enter into the picture.
​”​Take a breath​”​, I said, ​”​slow down and wonder from your loving heart what you might say or do in that moment​”. ​
He said gently, looking at his beloved….”how are you feeling love? Is there anything I can get you? A drink maybe?”… and they both melted and giggled!

So often, we rush by, doing all the brain orientated things that we do lots of. We forget to stop, breathe and just look at this person we are with and love to be with… well, most of the time… hopefully! Then, what we say or do comes from the love and caring rather than the brain and trying to remember and get it right. When we are feeling rather than thinking, there is no right or wrong. It’s usually mainly about connecting. Lovely!

So, being January, this is a good time to practise warming up your own heart and your partner’s heart by coming out of your thinking/brain mode here and there, especially if one of you would love to be nurtured, and not just when feeling unwell.

I’ll be back soon with my next video series.

If you’d like to let me know how you got on please comment below!

With love to you and your relationship,
Priya xx

{ 4 comments… add one }
  • Alice January 27, 2018, 8:28 am

    Hi
    I found your recent letter about using your heart rather than head to react to your partner really interesting. Thanks
    Alice x

    • Priya Tourkow February 2, 2018, 7:55 am

      Thanks Alice,
      It is interesting indeed and something ideally that we would love to happen automatically, rather than thinking about it. Otherwise we are right back in our heads again.
      Happy heart focussing!

  • Mike January 31, 2018, 4:21 pm

    I just love your newsletters Pri… they are perfect. I get so much inspiration. wish she could read them in English. I’ll have to translate.

    A big hug!

    Mike

    • Priya Tourkow February 2, 2018, 7:56 am

      Ah, thanks Mike, I wish my French was better xx

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